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How to Write Like a Pony; A Superior Method for the Discerning Wordsmith
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Once upon a time, in a high school built atop a reclaimed Florida landfill I had an idea. I was reading the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles at the time, and was captivated by a scene wherein one of the vampires wrote as quickly as someone spoke. I wondered if it were possible, and the more I thought about it, the more I attempted to boost my own writing speed, the more the various failings of written English began to grate on me. I wanted a better way to write, so I set about trying to make one.
I passed through many, many (many) iterations, and one of my earliest ideas was writing the vowels in a position system, in fact, it came to me outside the door to the typing class I took as a filler course my senior year. It turns out, that like all ideas, good or bad, somebody has had it before; who would have thought that even back then, Equestria was trying to make contact with me?
Many years later, I discovered the existence of conlangs, and from thence, shorthand. Truly, it’s criminal such a thing is no longer taught. Unlike cursive, shorthand is actually useful for note taking, as it’s so much quicker than orthographic English. Oh well, gotta dumb folks down to the lowest common denominator, or else it might become too obvious equality is a lie.
Anyway, it’s been 3 years since Twilight revealed herself to me, and I’ve learned a lot from her. I’ve abandoned both Gregg, and Forkner, both of which I was proficient in, even breaking 100 wpm in Forkner, and abandoning my study of Teeline, in favor of a system which serves my needs better: Ponish.
If you choose to educate yourself in the ways of equine writing, I believe you will find the effort rewarded, particularly if you must take notes, or write a large amount of things on a small paper, e.g. a shopping list. The system as presented is simple, with few rules, as it would have to be, to be taught to fillies, and colts, and also features a modular plan of advancement wherein you may pick how far you wish to go, and still have a useful product no matter the level you decide is ‘good enough,’ just as the ponies themselves do in Equestria.
I hope you will remember to thank Twilight for deigning to teach us, and for allowing this bit of Equestrian culture to spread to humanity at large.
Long Live Equestria!
Long Live the Princesses! May their light, and wisdom illuminate the path for us all.
~Cirrus Dawn,
5 June, 2019